he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
