Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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