she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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