I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
