you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
