A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
