living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He shit in the fireplace
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
