i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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