First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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