Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
