Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
