i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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