Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
