I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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