Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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