i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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