a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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