Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
