Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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