kristin has been a bad kristin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
