I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
