Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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