I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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