just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
