I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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