we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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