I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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