Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
