I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
