whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
