Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
