Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
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I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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