He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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