Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
