He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
