I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
