I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
