I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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