3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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