Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
