I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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