Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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