your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
