I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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