If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
