my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
