I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
