Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize