i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
