i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
