I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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