**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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