ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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