i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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