Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
