How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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