So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
