My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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