I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
