I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
