I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
